Stressed. Burdened. Peace out.
For some reason it seems like the last two weeks life has had it in for me. Left, right and centre. It kinda feels like someone has a paint-gun pointed at me and whenever I start to feel safe, they shoot. And again. I have felt physically and emotionally exhausted to the point of breaking down in tears for no real reason. I havent found rest, and barely managed sleep. Each day was more of a struggle to smile and act happy. I wanted to be home, in Nairne, alone so I could think. But there wasn't time for that.
Wednesdays here means one on ones. I love Jules and feel like I can talk to her. But instead of being true with how much I have taken every little curve ball to heart, I laughed them off. I had the chance to release these burdens I had pounding down on my heart. I took the "one girl against the world" stance. I choose to be weak and hide myself, while thinking it made me strong.
Thursday. First Danny approached me after lectures
"Naomi, you have this passion for others that means you take things to heart..."
Bam.
"Its a gift, but it doesnt always feel that way. You love ministering to others."
You're right, sometimes it sucks.
"You take things personally and feel like you have to help."
Who does he know me this well?
"It can become a burden, that you have to change this persons life."
It does. Most times.
"But God doesnt want you to be burdened. Guard your heart."
What does that even mean?
"Rest in him."
While I was walking away, I was struggling inside. What does he mean guard my heart? How did he know exactly whats been going on, that I feel burdened? I ate lunch. I forgot his words. I moved through my day...
Then, Karen rocked up to take me out for coffee at 3:30. She is like the grandma of the base. A heart for everyone and a real daughter living in her identity under God. Sitting there in this somewhat of a wacky cafe she looks me in the eye and smiles. She has such a warm soft smile.
"Naomi, you a beautiful. Like a ruby. When a gem is formed, small precise chips are made until it shines, until it reflects in true beauty. You have an amazing gift and call over you life, a passion for the ministry God has laid before you. Because of this you are a target."
I am a what?
"Life will sometimes seem like it is out to get you. In these times, you need to rest in God. Trust in your identity as his daughter. Guard your heart."
Wow. Same words. Same day.
"This means dont let other peoples situations become burdens on your heart. Listen to them, but dont take them personally. Live with your identity and strength in him."
Friday rolled around. I was sleep deprived and emotional. I was confused. Worship time came. I was over it, I wanted to sleep. But instead God started to move my heart. He started to change my attitude from one of feeling done for, into one of peace. He spoke to me of my worth in his eyes. He told me of his heart towards me. He asked me to trust him in this. How can I say no to God? I am trusting him now. He gave me peace, and that's me out. I am rested, I am restored.
Wednesdays here means one on ones. I love Jules and feel like I can talk to her. But instead of being true with how much I have taken every little curve ball to heart, I laughed them off. I had the chance to release these burdens I had pounding down on my heart. I took the "one girl against the world" stance. I choose to be weak and hide myself, while thinking it made me strong.
Thursday. First Danny approached me after lectures
"Naomi, you have this passion for others that means you take things to heart..."
Bam.
"Its a gift, but it doesnt always feel that way. You love ministering to others."
You're right, sometimes it sucks.
"You take things personally and feel like you have to help."
Who does he know me this well?
"It can become a burden, that you have to change this persons life."
It does. Most times.
"But God doesnt want you to be burdened. Guard your heart."
What does that even mean?
"Rest in him."
While I was walking away, I was struggling inside. What does he mean guard my heart? How did he know exactly whats been going on, that I feel burdened? I ate lunch. I forgot his words. I moved through my day...
Then, Karen rocked up to take me out for coffee at 3:30. She is like the grandma of the base. A heart for everyone and a real daughter living in her identity under God. Sitting there in this somewhat of a wacky cafe she looks me in the eye and smiles. She has such a warm soft smile.
"Naomi, you a beautiful. Like a ruby. When a gem is formed, small precise chips are made until it shines, until it reflects in true beauty. You have an amazing gift and call over you life, a passion for the ministry God has laid before you. Because of this you are a target."
I am a what?
"Life will sometimes seem like it is out to get you. In these times, you need to rest in God. Trust in your identity as his daughter. Guard your heart."
Wow. Same words. Same day.
"This means dont let other peoples situations become burdens on your heart. Listen to them, but dont take them personally. Live with your identity and strength in him."
Friday rolled around. I was sleep deprived and emotional. I was confused. Worship time came. I was over it, I wanted to sleep. But instead God started to move my heart. He started to change my attitude from one of feeling done for, into one of peace. He spoke to me of my worth in his eyes. He told me of his heart towards me. He asked me to trust him in this. How can I say no to God? I am trusting him now. He gave me peace, and that's me out. I am rested, I am restored.
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