Jumbled.
Warning: This is not at all edited.
I'm sitting outside, taking as deep a breathe as I can. There's trickling rain, the calm before a storm, I can hear the thunder in the distance. Every now and then a small drop lands close enough to splash me as it drips down the leaves. Peace.
The start of the next round of goodbyes came this morning. 10 am Sabrina came and gave me a hug before leaving. The start of saying goodbye to October Girls and realizing soon enough that will be me. The end of my DTS seems to far away, yet so close. Only an outreach away, yet 14 weeks before I am home. Its crazy. I dont like goodbyes.
I spent over an hour and a half on the phone tonight to my dear friend Sarah. How I have missed her voice. Its true, you dont realize how much someone means to you until you havent talked for ages. She just brings clarity to me head and excitement to my bones. It felt like 15 minutes and she had to go. I love her. God bless her.
Questions arise in my head. Thoughts about outreach, thoughts about life. Its so funny how easy it is to doubt yourself. To wonder if you heard God right. But I know that I know I am in the right place. I know that I know I have a purpose, a plan, a future. I know that I know my call is to show love. By this I am humbled.
If you have ever seen The Finger of God you will know why I say it challenges you. If you have seen Furious Love, you'll understand that I've been confronted today. Do I honestly have my heart correct before God? Or are there motives in it from my own mind. Are my eyes open to the warfare going on around me? Would I stand in the power God has given me, as he beloved daughter, when confronted by a demon? These things are real. This will be outreach.
What is truth?
What is love?
My brain is jumbled and my thoughts are racing. But I am still sitting here in complete peace. This is my truth. This is God's love.
I'm sitting outside, taking as deep a breathe as I can. There's trickling rain, the calm before a storm, I can hear the thunder in the distance. Every now and then a small drop lands close enough to splash me as it drips down the leaves. Peace.
The start of the next round of goodbyes came this morning. 10 am Sabrina came and gave me a hug before leaving. The start of saying goodbye to October Girls and realizing soon enough that will be me. The end of my DTS seems to far away, yet so close. Only an outreach away, yet 14 weeks before I am home. Its crazy. I dont like goodbyes.
I spent over an hour and a half on the phone tonight to my dear friend Sarah. How I have missed her voice. Its true, you dont realize how much someone means to you until you havent talked for ages. She just brings clarity to me head and excitement to my bones. It felt like 15 minutes and she had to go. I love her. God bless her.
Questions arise in my head. Thoughts about outreach, thoughts about life. Its so funny how easy it is to doubt yourself. To wonder if you heard God right. But I know that I know I am in the right place. I know that I know I have a purpose, a plan, a future. I know that I know my call is to show love. By this I am humbled.
If you have ever seen The Finger of God you will know why I say it challenges you. If you have seen Furious Love, you'll understand that I've been confronted today. Do I honestly have my heart correct before God? Or are there motives in it from my own mind. Are my eyes open to the warfare going on around me? Would I stand in the power God has given me, as he beloved daughter, when confronted by a demon? These things are real. This will be outreach.
What is truth?
What is love?
My brain is jumbled and my thoughts are racing. But I am still sitting here in complete peace. This is my truth. This is God's love.
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