Single.

The queen of third-wheeling here. I've been on more of my friend's dates than I have my own (even including the time Dad took me out to dinner).  But can I just say; I'm single but not looking to mingle.

So this week I was clean out my notebooks (this takes longer than it should) when I came across my book of lists. From 101 Things that make a Guy Hotter by Maplum down to a Food Bucket List (still need to eat turtle), this book has been a way for me to sort out my thoughts for a while now. And there's one list I want to share with you.

PROS and CONS of RELATIONSHIPS  

Cuddles 24/7                                                                                                              Stress

Feeling Loved                                                                                                     Brokenness

Compliments                                                                                                 Loss of Friends

Belonging (Feeling important)                                                                                Break Ups

Random Gifts                                                                                                    Loss of Sleep
Memories                                                                                                               Memories
Cutesness                                                                                             Loss of Independence
Double Dating                                                                                                 Loss of Money

I'm hoping you can gather which side is which. The story behind this list starts where a friend had been asked out (not me, a friend, ok?). She didnt know if she was ready for a relationship. Looking back now, a few years older, I giggle at the idea that a Pro and Cons list was going to solve anything. But I guess it did. 

Now I sit here, 18. The age where I've past the high-school crushes and rushes. The age where relationships tend to be a little more serious. And I can tell you one thing for sure. I am not ready. 

I can barely keep track of my own life, my own desires,  my own future. How can I dump that on someone else? This is the time I can have best friends who are guys without feeling guilty that I'm spending time with them. This is my time to travel and eat stupid foods! This is even the perfect time for me to get to know God better. He's the main man in my life, and he doesn't take up my independence, sleep, friends or cash. Besides, if I need an early night with a ginormous book and pot of tea, I feel no guilt. 

So all in all, I'm single and really not ready to mingle yet. Let me third wheel a bit more, it's my forte after all.