That one about boys ;) ;)

It’s a bit of a taboo, dating. But in a world so focussed on relationships and “coupledom” how does one make the decision to date? Do we even have a say? Well, I have decided not to date. I know, forever alone… But no, I'm not going out to buy 12 cats. And to prove I am not insane, I am going to try and explain my reasons for this choice. Bear with me, though. I don’t have long to write this as I am about to leave for Bordertown (WOO, I SEE FRIENDS).  

But anywho…

So not two of us have the exact same view on dating... Why is that? Because it’s a controversial topic that is hard to define. “Dating” has changed so much over the years It’s purpose and its ways. Once there was courtship. The lady would be merely a women, aged maybe 13-15 where the man would be closer to 30. To put that into perspective, that’s doubling her age for his. Creepy, huh? Now we have the internet and ‘love’ can be found on its websites and anything over 2-3 years is considered wrong! We’ve all seen those old television shows where the girl’s father would have a talk with the girl’s boyfriend about where he plans on taking yet half the time the parents don’t even know their kid’s have a boyfriend of girlfriend. What is, then, dating? Its purpose? Why? Do my parents get a say? How close to the cliff can I get before I fall into sin? 

Society says the reason to date is to have fun, go out, do things as a couple because let's face it, the world is organized around coupledom. Or to learn what we want in a partner, what we don't want, how to communicate our needs, how to serve the other's needs without disrespecting ourselves, and what it feels like to love, be loved, and even how to be strong enough to part when we know it's time. For some, it’s even a peer pressure thing. They have friends who have partners so they must to, right? So they can double date and all. Its not as focused on finding your ‘one’ as it once was. The purposes have gone from caring about someone, to being cared for I want to do a swithcheroo,the purpose of dating should always be selfless. It should be commitment to the person, not just cos you want to pass time. For me, the purpose of dating is to be in a relationship where the two of you are bringing each other closer to God, helping each other through life. If I was in a relationship where this wasn’t the case, I would ask myself what I am there for.

As to “How far is too far?” if we are asking how close to sin we can get without actually sinning, we are asking the wrong question. At least, in my eyes, we need a change of heart. We need to start asking, “How far can I go to lead this person to holiness and guard their innocence?”  But still... whenever you are doing something with anyone, ask yourself if you would do that if your or their parents were in the room. Do yourself a favour: do not get technical about drawing a line anywhere. It’s not black and white. You can’t decide if a particular action is “too far,” I believe the main thing to keep in mind, though, is if you don’t marry that person... You are doing that to someone else’s wife or husband. How far would you have wanted your future spouse to go? I don’t know what will be too far for my relationships, I'm happy to hold someone’s hand, cuddles and all that. But I wouldn’t want any heavy making out. That’s just not what I can see myself doing.

Lastly, before I go into my reasons not for dating, do my parents get a say? Um, yes! These are the people who have raised me. They know me better than anyone. Don’t kill me but... Honour your parents! You may not believe it but they have been there and they do know you (in some way or another). And if they really haven’t, who has been there for you? Someone you look upto? Ask them for advice. Don’t just ignore what they say...

My own experience in dating is zill. Apart from going to the movies with a friend, or going out for tea with my dad, I don’t consider anything I’ve ever done to be a date. I haven't so much as kissed anyone. But I wouldn’t say that while, I guess I’m classed as inexperienced,  that I was naive. I have had a few people say that my lack of dating in these teen years, will leave me naive when I do choose to date. But I have witnessed my friends get broken. I’ve felt with them and for them. I’ve been happy at the sight of a ring, or broken at the words last spoken. So while I am avoiding ‘dating’ for now, when the time is right (cos that's not an overused cliché or anything) I don’t believe I will be the timid compromising inexperienced thing who you could have your way with and then get dropped. Because of what I have seen and felt, I shall be the one with the guarded heart.

Reasons I’m not dating? Well, I don’t see myself as ready. I think instead of helping someone in their life, I would be more of a hindrance. I want to be older, more mature. Lets face it, I'm crazy! Who would want to be tied to that? Haha. My parents are also on the same wave length of being a little older. What I would want from dating, I have from friends. I have people who love me, who care for me. And I won’t lose these people as easy as a boyfriend either. I don’t really have the time to share my life right now either. I live such an insane life that trying to fit it around someone, it just wouldn’t work. If the right guy came along, who knows what would happen. But he would HAVE to be the right guy. I do have times when I wish I had someone, I guess, but for the most, I'm me. I'm happy to be single! It means I have more time for other things!

These were just a few thoughts for you. Hope I haven’t offended anyone. These really are just my beliefs!

God bless you,
Naomi